25th may 2011

GREEEEAAAAT
karleighs got the fucking ump with me cause I went to sort my nan out and left her at home its not my fault they cant stand each other and cant be in the same room!!!!!
I only waited for sme girl to turn up so I could knock her teeth out for messing my nan around and now im in the wrong??
fgs! I'm having a fat day so thats got me down im all jiggly and bloated and ugly :/
FML!!!
ugh i don't even know what to put today my spelling is erratic and my mind is so fucking clouded
FML FML FML!!!
update later
<3

why am I being started on my some "scary" goth faggot??

24th May 2011

so I had my blood test today and I was filled with sheer horror at the thought of them taking blood from me via needle i hate needles as she brought it towards me I grabbed karleighs hand screwed my face up and sat there virtually crying "no no no no no no no" I hated every second but afterwards I was fine again like nothing had happened I saw my aunt lesely afterwards she works at the hospital.
I'm wanting to order a new ds game off of ebay cause its like my fave game and it got lost in the last move and i was gutted! its animal crossing wildworld :) I'm a big kid but that game is addictive at the moment I'm playing cats like a grown up :)
I completely emptied the washing basket today got it all dry! I'm so prouds and I was still made to do the school run! arseholes!
I'm so fucking hungry but my mum is out and me and dad are waiting for her to get back other wise she will just kick off the stupid bitch! we had a laugh last night but that also lead to me and karleigh only getting four hours sleep cause we were all awake and watching music videos :/ not that exciting I did catapult the cat across the room he was sleeping on my legs and I sneezed and my legs spazzed and shot him in the air :)


I WATCHED GAGAS MONSTER TOUR :D love that woman shes amazing live she just put so much passion and love in to that performance she even cried a few times her self bless her aaannnnd I cleaned my gaga earphones today my lovely monster heartbeats earphones! :D hehe I love gaga I have a gaga purse but I need a new one cause the one I've got is broken :(

sooooo bored of simpsons!!
I'm gonna watch white chicks later when I get in to bed
NOW OFF TO TUMBL!!!
update later
<3

FUNGRY!

That means fucking hungry :)

so bloated...too much chicken

neighbours are pissing me off

this pretty much applies to me I believe that to be thin is to be successful but I can't get thin I don't wanna be anorexic looking but just a flat tummy and hips is not a bad thing I dont think I'm attractive I hate my self I'm too flabby too wobbly well thats my view and it's easier said than done when people say learn to love your self believe me i have tried to love my self when i was doing dance i lost loads of weight left school and gained it all and more i hate my self for it i eat then feel guilty for it i tried to lose the weight ive tried starving purging dieting excersizing and it doesnt seem to work I cant sleep at night with out thinking about starving my self its stupid i feel stupid but i cant help it :(

23rd May 2011

Euch! still feeling shitty I had to run up to meet my sister from school shes been getting hassle again the two little shits keep starting on her and then say that they are her best friends pkay my sister is irritating and I hate her a lot of the time but no one is allowed to pick on her but me!! and some times Kane!! but only if I let him :) she had her final HPV jab today and I didnt know and I grabbed her arm :/ eep.
I looked up a BTEC make up artistry course cause I am genuinely interested its been my dream for ages to be a make up artist for run way shows cover shoots the lot I wanted to be a model but after I scarred my self that was out of the question so I moved on to make up but this BTEC course will cost £619 for the course and books and then a further £52.30 for each exam and there are four of them! I know my mum said that she would pay for anything educational but thats a piss take.
I might report a family in my street to social services all day they have been sitting on their door step drinking and getting high their kids are running around in nappies and dirty t-shirts so close to the road the parents hit them and swear at them and always have different people in and out at all hours I only know this because my bedroom is down stairs at the front.
the neighbours are just fucking noisy pricks and all they play all day is nicole scherzinger (SLAG) bruno mars (DRUGGIE) and Adele (just plain boring)
right well I've got to get the washing in and clean the kitchen
update later
<3

Scones recipe!!!

Ingredients

• 225g/8oz self raising flour
• pinch of salt
• 55g/2oz butter
• 25g/1oz caster sugar
• 150ml/5fl oz milk
• 1 free-range egg, beaten

Preparation method

1. Heat the oven to 220C/425F/Gas 7. Lightly grease a baking sheet.
2. Mix together the flour and salt and rub in the butter.
3. Stir in the sugar and then the milk to get a soft dough.
4. Turn on to a floured work surface and knead very lightly. Pat out to a round 2cm/¾in thick. Use a 5cm/2in cutter to stamp out rounds and place on a baking sheet. Lightly knead together the rest of the dough and stamp out more scones to use it all up.
5. Brush the tops of the scones with the beaten egg. Bake for 12-15 minutes until well risen and golden.
6. Cool on a wire rack and serve with butter and good jam and maybe some clotted cream.

you can always add some cinnamon or some dried fruit for a twist :D

23rd May 2011

hehe long time since I've updated :)
well I went to the doctors and now have to go for blood tests tomorrow but I hate needles they want to test me for anemia which is where the body doesnt have enough red blood cells this can be dangerous because reb blood cells supply oxygen to body tissues so fingers crossed I get the all clear on that one the second blood test is for thyroid glads which are in your neck they release the hormone that helps control the metabolism I don't under stand what could be wrong with them :/
I start psychotherapy on thursday at 9:30 in the morning so karleigh is staying round on wednesday to take the little one to school I'm actually quite worried about it to be honest because I've never been to the place where I have to go for it I don't know the person I don't know what to talk about.
Me and Karleigh went on an expodition the other day lmao we went down this road we had never been down and ended up some where we didnt know carried on walking until we ended up outside canada house a place I know all too well!
hmmm I better go and find the washing basket so I can put the washing out on the line :)
update later
<3

My head hurts

Hehe pole dancing :) in my fire uniform :)

its just a hobby :)

I have some of THE cutest wash stuff going && a few of my prize possesions thrown in they have the cutest poems written on them :)

my little bath time family :)

The raspberry kiss

I think this must be love...she smiled at her secret, put the letter in an envelope and enclosed a daisy chain from the medow where she sat.

that vanilla moment

my moment of sweet calm...just to think with carefree abandon about....maybe I wont tell you she said shyly somethings are not for sharing.

Lovely mint story

the mint amused her... its sweet scent tickled her nose taking her thought to garden where lilac hens in sparkling wellingtons picnicked in the moonlight

My coconut island

I'm going to a far away place she said....just for a while...her toes wriggled in the warm sand and a silly seagull laughed and danced in the sweet wind

coconut ice cream body scrub

iam told said the wise man that the sweet water inside the coconut is created by a sea maiden...as its beautiful scent touches your nose her soft music and laughter surrounds you take her hand and follow her...iam told she makes dreams come true.

think of England bath soak!

crack open the bubbly! soak to your hearts content and let the tensions of the day melt away-conatins relaxing calendula flower extract and chamomile for super soft skin

all of a lather body wash

clean up your act with this feel good lather to leavy you feeling revived recharged and ready to go! with zingy lemongrass extract to put an extra spring in your step its time to sing in the shower again!

chocolate indulgence body wash and moisturizer

vanilla creme brulee and coconut ice cream body butters

STRIPPER SHOES

patent black peep toe plat form stilletoes!!

I'm feeling quite low at the moment

I have such high dreams and aspirations and im not helping my self get there
I'm just letting my self get jealous and depressed over people who have got there
but I don't want a man to help me get there i don't want to marry a footballer or a banker just to get some money I want to do it off of my own back

OLD pictures of moi!

yeah thats me in the school tie looking as happy as anything dolled up ready to go and perform in late 2010 as part of out school show i missed all of the rehearsals and still done well :) and i went to a pub like it afterwards :)

me and carrie-ann in 2009 before carrie got really ill with anorexia

me in the middle as tweedle dee at the brook theatre it was a comedy act and it was hard work i think this was about 2008

last day of school 2010 me and rob

zoe me and carrie in zoes back garden when we were close before we all went mental and got ill this was late 2008

st trinians school girl for my friends 16th there was a little alcohol involved :) 2009

me and karleigh st trinians 2009 :D

late nights and early mornings do not mix

since i was up till 3:20 this morning arguing with karleigh this morning has been a bit of a slog
but heres the plan of action.....

• clean teeth
• do hair and make up
• get dressed
• get karleigh up
• let her get sorted
• leave to go see hubby/ get tattoo recoloured

:)

see ya later
<3

all this because i said "sometimes hiding seems to be the easiest thing to do" :/

about the convo

in all fairness tony did ask her to stop but i dont see why she dragged up the past when i had SERVERE mental issues i was hallucinating and was convinced i was seeing these things after my best friend died my eating was a little off but i wasn't anorexic and i would never claim to be one of my best friends suffers from it so that would make me twisted and im not about to lie about something like that
i cut as a coping mechanism when i saw the blood going i associated it with the pain as i washed the blood away i was washing the pain away but it was a cycle i felt good then guilty then depressed again its deffinately something i dont wanna get back in to but at the moment its harder to resist i would never open up to my parents about this either i put them through enough before when i was doing it wouldnt do it again
my fiction tattoo has helped it covers some scars and literally two days before i had it done i was so close to doing it but thinking of getting my tattoo done i knew i wouldnt be able to hide it and i wouldnt be able to get it done
I wish i was fully better the truth is every now and again i do feel totally lost and worthless its hard to comprehend why sometimes
:/ i scare a lot of people off cause they worry that depression is contagious or they worry that im constantly going to be a snivelling blood covered mess
its nothing like that im totally normal i laugh i smile i like the same things as i used to its just sometimes i get a bit down and sad but its not contagious
i just wish people would see that then i wouldnt feel so lonely all the time :/
<3

okay so this is that text convo i was on about dont judge me for posting it the way it has been posted is exactly how it went it hasnt been changed in any way to make me look better or her look worse

her: tony don't kno i read his texts but are u gonna even bother tectin him back
me: has it got anything to do with you at all? and if you must know ive been awak all of ten minutes and now im going through my texts and replying to them
her: don't start bout has it got anythin 2 do with me.. dont fuk my boii bout then he better of without u
me: i wasnt starting and if yourr gonna speak to me speak english im not "fuckin' ur boii" we are still friends he made the choice not me
her: iam speaking english sorry if you only speak dog
me: woof woof darlin'
her: fuk off slag
me: I've just told tony you've gone through his texts thats really untrustworthy i thought he was better off with out me?? better off without you more like
her: shut ya mouth and go slit wrists
me: thats on the agenda for later, i only do it at night :)
her: good now fuck off bout how im untrustworthy says u knowin u ya probs bangin 1/2 medway behind his back any way
me: no im always faithful he has never had a reason not to trust me i dont randomly text boys off the internet unlike some
her: yh w.e i wouldnt trust u as far as i could fuckin throw ya ya lil dik n yh ite thn u dnt no shit bout who im with or w.e so shut ya mouth
me: didn't tony tell you to stfu
her: yh buh i aint hiz bitch unluckii 4 u
me: lmao why unlucky for me??
her: id seriously shut ya fukin mouth
me: give me a reason
her: cause i aint in a gd mood n ur pissin me the fuck off
me:  im pissing you off cause i dont want you involved with my problems? maybe you should shut your mouth
her: make me
her: make me
me: I have better things to waste my time doing :) x
her: well go do them and fuck off
me: lol
her: wtf u laffin @
me: lmao
her: go plaii in traffik plz
me: pmsl
her: dunno y ur laffin at me hav u seen ya slf u have 2 make people up as ya friends like "tokio hotel" so it luks lyke u have m8z! u slit ya rists 4 attention and pretend u have anorexia so ppls dnt h8 u... sort ya lyfe out
me: rofl
her: dw id wanna kill myself if i was u 2
me: hehe

09th May 2011

today was bad
no ifs no buts just fucking terrible horrible awful how ever you want to say it
I haven't honestly felt this low in a long time all day I've put on a brave face but now im sitting thinking I'm my own worst enemy all day ive put on a brave face even at times been cocky and laughed about all the shit thats gone on ive tried not to think about it but ive probably just lost quite a few people who i cared about and became close to
so heres the story
I didnt get a lot of sleep last night just because so this morning i slept in and was dead to the world i didnt hear my phone go off i wake up to 5 texts from various people but 2 from my weird creepy obsessive ex saying that he was "leaving me" and he still wanted to be friends this was the biggest wake up call and im sitting there like hold up we where actually TOGETHER? i was totally unaware of this! any way i keep going through my texts and find some from this girl that has never really liked me for fuck knows how long saying that she had gone through his texts and asking if i thought he deserved a response i replied telling her i had only just got up and asking if it had anything to do with her and all day ive been getting random abuse and  put my sullivan head on and got cocky and thought it was all great fun up until now when im actually sat here thinking about it
because ive fallen out with him i cant do my fire training because ive fallen out with her i now have to watch my back where ever i go because shes a dirty fighter
now im sitting just collecting my thoughts about it all and ive just realized how much ive actually lost im torturing my self with these thoughts and making my self feel so much worse
im trying not to cut i dont want to fall back in to that my brother is kindly distracting me tomorrow by colouring my tattoo cause if its sore and pretty looking i wont want to cut :/ i guess thats the logic any way
ive got karleigh here keeping me distracted but she cant be here all the time
wiggles has even said he will support me
and my hubby
i appreciate all the help i really do even if its just keeping me distacted for a little while
I never thought losing just a few people would have such an impact on me :/
i might post the convo just cause i feel like im holding it all in i feel like its a dirty secret :/
ill update later
<3

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH

FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT
does nothing want to go right??

haha i cut my self for attention and pretend i have friends and anorexia lmao with my figure i cant really lie about anorexia xD dumb slut

just a quick vent :)

WHY DONT YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STAY OUT OF IT YOU SLUT ITS GOT FUCK ALL TO DO WITH YOU ITS NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU SO I DONT SEE WHY THE FUCK YOU GOT INVOLVED TO BEGIN WITH YOU STUPID TART AND HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT IM BANGING HALF OF MEDWAY YOUR THE ONE DISHING YOUR NUMBER OUT ON THE INTERNET YOU DUMB FUCK! AND HOW CAN YOU TELL ME TO SLIT MY WRISTS YOUR THE ONE WHO CARVED MY NAME IN YOUR ARM YOU STUPID SLUT BUT THAT WAS WHEN YOU HAD SOME DERANGED LESBO CRUSH ON ME SO POT CALLING KETTLE DARLIN' DIDNT THINK THAT ONE THROUGH
AND YEAAAH SURE HES BETTER OFF WITH OUT ME THE ONE GETTING GOOD GRADES JOB HUNTING AND HOUSE WORK WHAT DO YOU WASTE YOUR TIME DOING WHEN YOUR NOT ON YOUR BACK AND SNORTING COKE OFF OF SOME FAT BIRDS ARSE
I KNOW FOR A FACT IF YOUR MOTHER KNEW YOU WOULD BE DEAD SO TAKE YOU LONG MANKY MAN HANDS YOUR PATHETIC GRUBBY LITTLE TATTOOS AND YOUR WEIRD OBSESSION WITH ME AND TAKE A LONG RUN OFF OF A SHORT PIER YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT

8th May 2011 18:39-18:52

today has been long stressful and frankly quite depressing
it started out okay until i was sat on the door step for 20 mins with karleigh then i went shopping up the town with my sister to buy all the ingredients for dinner tonight that never actually happened cause mum thought we had chicken and we dont :/ not her fault but i did get the ump quite badly
after i took ten minutes in my room to calm down i went out to the kitchen got the fish out of the freezer heated the oven up and began to lay the fish out ona baking tray only for my dad to critisize and my mum to sit there bitching about how she didnt want fish this pissed me off so i went and sat out the garden where my drunk neighbour was screaming about how much of a lazy lump i am and how much i piss her off by listening to shit she said shes gonna write to the council and try to get us kicked out and if that doesnt work shes gonna "kick our fucking manky teeth out and then knock their shit hole of a house down with the cunts still in it" totally uncalled for this lead to another argument with mum cause i lost my temper and had a major bitching sesion about them my mum said wow aren't you grown up such a big girl you are im quivering -__- just the attitude she should have :/
so i go to my room and sit down start blogging and have them running up and down out side and bitching about my right out side my bedroom window (my bedroom is on the ground floor) this was going on for about 20-30 minutes
i dont know why they have got this personal hate campaign against me i haven't done anything wrong so me and my mum play loud music occasionally but its during the day whilst we are doing house work we dont let our kids run around and play with other peoples front gates i dont let a 16 year old bully a 13 year old as she walks home i dont sing at the top of my lungs to adele at nearly midnight and i deffinately dont fucking stand on a wall out side wearing next to nothing groping my tits shoving my hand down the front of my underwear whilst having phone sex with my boyfriend (i dont have one thats why) so how they can say we are bad neighbours is beyond me
Ive been texting mt hubby today he seems to have lightened my mood a little but then again he always does :) i do loves my hubby teehee
i might update later depends how i feel i knacker my self out when i get wound up
<3

Hair!!!

natural :) 

Curled :)

I dunno which i prefer but I do know i only curled my hair out of sheer bordom :)

chicken rarebits :D

Ingredients

1. skinless boneless chicken breasts
2. 140g coarsley grated cheddar
3. 1 tablespoon of wholegrain mustard (rounded)
4. 3 tablespoons full fat milk (thats blue top)
5. cherry tomatoes on the vine
6. fresh new potatoes
7. brocolli

method

1. preheat the oven to (200 c/gas 6) and prepare the chicken by slicing the breasts in half down the middle (they will cook quicker) so you have thinner slices, lightly oil a shallow baking dish one that is big enough for the chicken to fit in one sinlge layer. lay the chicken in the dish
2. mix the cheese mustard and milk in a seperate bowl and pile up on top of each slice of chicken there is no need to smooth it out
3. lay the tomatoes still on the vine around the chicken in the pan
4. put in the oven and cook for 25-30 minutes until the chicken is golden and the tomatoes are squashy
5. by this time you should have cooked your brocolli and potatoes by either steaming them or boiling them seperately in 2 pans of water
6. serve

note: advise guests to squish the tomatoes so that they mix nicely with the cheese sauce :)

07 May 2011 22:12

today has been BAD!

my memory stick broke and its full of school work and pictures of my friend who passed away :( all my musics gone everything
the neighbours called me fat and that started an argument they where pathetic to shut OUR gate i have no idea why but i played music really loud to get back at them :) i found out the fat slag nextdoor has some sort of mental problem which i dont actually believe cause shes a total bitch and always taking the piss out of my mental instability! NURGHH!
i went down tescos and bought a vienetta ice cream slab and yes i ate the whole thing im an emotional eater and ill admit to that but after i eat i feel guilty which is stupid :/ but its all a part of me and i should learn to love that
well that was deep :)
stan smith is in family guy O.o riiiight

im making dinner tomorrow i really wish i had moved on to catering at college instead of performing arts warren said catering is stressful cause its a small space and a long day and tempers run high so i would probably just get thrown out
but any way im flattered that my mum is allowing me to cook from scratch it means she trusts me and wants to try my food :)
im making chicken rarebits it sounds delish and ill post a recipie in a sec
warrens out tonight and he was texting me while i was trying to clean my room it took a while lol
hes still my hubby though and im happy hes taking time out for him self he deserves it hes done alot for other people lately including me so if anyone deserves a night out its deffinately him :)
i started taking the pill again today i had the week off thing and now its back to normal again i was petrified i would forget to take it :/
ill probably update tomorrow now cause its getting late
<3

how can one seven year old go one crying and stropping for nearly 3 hours!?!

SERIOUSLY

6th of may 2011 19:01-19:10

MY HEAD IS GOING TO FUCKING EXPLODE

I wanna be a kid but the whole time my parents are arguing im made to be the adult all day ive been cooking cleaning and everything else i walked down to dockside to get money from my mum to top up the electric went down the school to collect the youngest and she was fine when she got home now shes being a BRAT shes screaming and shouting and thinking she owns the place my mum and dad aren't doing anything about it im trying my hardest to ignore her cause if i go and sort her out ill lose my temper and ive kept it for this long but its slowly slipping -____-
all i wanna do is run out side and scream iam that stressed out about everything thats gone on today its just all got on top of me and im in the worst mood going
mums in a dad mood cause of dad dads in babd mood cause of mum and im in a bad mood cause im exepected to do everything!! all cause they cant grow up!
I had a good morning i guess making donuts with karleigh was a laugh even if they do look like overgrown monster chicken balls it was still pretty good fun and very messy :)
been texting my wonderful hubby most of the day he stayed up the whole night and fell asleep ten mins before he was supposed to go out bless him :)
im off to tidy my room and have a bath
update later
<3

We made donuts :D they look like deformed chicken balls :)

:O i nearly layed on a pair of scissors

Jim bear is staring me out

-_____-

Emilia de poret: now or never

We've been up
And we've been down
But this time something is telling me
It's different somehow
Like a bell
Ringing in my mind
Telling me to wake up
To what you want
We gonna crash this time

And even if I could survive
What's the point without you by my side

[Chorus]
I can't shake the feeling now
I got to turn my life around
Cause I can feel it's going down
It's now or never

I don't want to think about
All the things that never were
And I don't wanna lose you now
So it's now or never

So let me try to make this better now
To fill the space between us
With those word that I never ever said out loud
Tell me how and I'll be something new
Make my heart a blank page
That is useless to anyone but you

Cause I can never live without
the only thing I ever cared about

[Chorus]
I can't shake the feeling now
I got to turn my life around
Cause I can feel it's going down
It's now or never

I don't want to think about
All the things that never were
And I don't wanna lose you now
So it's now or never

A part of me still believes
when you say you gonna sick around
A part of me still believes
we can find away to work it out
I got to know that we tried everything we could try
before we said goodbye forever

[Chorus]
I can't shake the feeling now
I got to turn my life around
Cause I can feel it's going down
It's now or never

I don't want to think about
All the things that never were
And I don't wanna lose you now
So it's now or never

Out from Under lyrics

Breathe you out
Breathe you in
You keep coming back to tell me
you’re the one who could have been
and my eyes see it all so clear
It was long ago and far away but it never disappears
I try to put it in the past
Hold on to myself and don’t look back

I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under

So let me go
Just let me fly away
Let me feel the space between us growing deeper
And much darker every day
Watch me now and I’ll be someone new
My heart will be unbroken
It will open up for everyone but you
Even when I cross the line
It's like a lie I’ve told a thousand times

I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under

And part of me still believes
When you say you’re gonna stick around
And part of me still believes
We can find a way to work it out
But I know that we tried everything we could try
So let's just say goodbye
Forever

I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under

I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under
When I'm out from under

6th may 2011 02:39 am- 02:55 am

this looks so good right now :/

my bed just not that comfy at all right now i just cant seem to get comfortable:/

i really dont wanna pull another all nighter but it looks as though its going that way i will end up killing my self eventually lol i dont mind the longer i stay up the more chilled i seem to be the next day

I still havent actually recovered from the fact that my mum stole my fish finger sandwich!

been texting the hubby again all night hes such a trooper hes got to be up and out before half eight and is still up bless him hes gonna be knackered although a few cans of monster he dhould be okay lol

im now watching the bratz movie for the third time cause im too damn lazy to change the dvd and its  actually a pretty good film lol

i dont know what im doing tomorrow probably fuck all again but im hoping that tthe girls are down my nans so that ive got the evening to my self and karleigh can stay over shes stayed so often if feels weird to have a big bed to my self :/

I FOUND MY WAND :D

now thats out of the way :P lmao

spent most of the evening lusting over this one song ive got a different version of it but now ive found the original im in love lol its been playing for most of the night and thats quite sad

i really should get up and turn the heater off i cant breath but it was so cold in here cause of the two fucking vents ive got in my room -___- stupid landloard put them in

i got a message earlier asking how old my daughter is im sat there like "bitch i dont even have kids!" i was really shocked people actually think im a slut so i wanna be a model that makes me a slut well if you think that then obviously you are small minded arent you??

urrrgh my back hurts still!

im going to be a rebel and post the lyrics to the song im playing on repeat :D its really soppy its stupid its was orginally by britney spears then joanne and then emilia de poret the only version i havent downloaded would be the britney spears version

i cant be asked to do my nails any more and ive only done one hand :/ oops

maybe i should have waited until tomorrow, although i can remember how i learned that nails can actually tan! when i was about 13 i was in my "goth" phase my nails where permenantly black until one day my mum made me take my nail varnish off to let my nails "breath" i was gobsmacked cause my hands where an olive colour and my nails where pure white! lol it looked very odd but very funny

ive worn my brain out and now i think the heat is getting to me cause im starting to droop a little bit

oh well lets see what today has got lined up for me :D

update later

<3

19:59

just finished dinner (i had bbq things chips and pasta shapes) and my mum and dad have been arguing over the washing so im hiding in my room i really cant be fucked with any of their fuckery at the moment
ive got a stomach ache and im really fucking hot i just generally feel shit :/
ive got to wait another hour before i can have a bath cause my mums in their at the moment and she always takes ridiculous amounts of time
okay im not perfect but at least when i have a bath an improvements been made im convinced she just wallows for ages and wastes her time that way
although yesterday she cleaned the kitchen for the first time in god knows how long its normally me and my dad that clean everything up so i think i might go on strike for a while lol see how she copes then
i dunno if karleighs coming round tomorrow cause she was ill today so i doubt it so im gonna make donuts instead :D first time for everything me cooking and baking who ever thought that would happen
I NEED TO GO SHOPPING i dont know why but at the moment retail therapy is so appealing i need new clothes and new shoes i just wanna shop!
its taken me up until today for me to notice that all this blog is just me rambling about shit and about my boring day :/
oh well you dont like it you dont read it :)

my hubby finished the floor he was laying today bless him all that hard work did pay off  now he can just chill out :)

update later <3

fuck off tart!!

yes I did go in your room and use your phone lead No I didn't ask
buuuut
do you ask when your wear my underwear??

case closed

iggle piggle ringtone :D

I forgot to put 3 tbspn of butter on the last post

5th May 2011

blahdy blahdy blaaaaaah

At first I got up at exactly seven this morning theeen changed my mind and went back to sleep got up again at about 11.20 (lazy I know) and literally as soon as i got up i made tomato and basil muffins
I've actually memorised the recipie but I can't remember anything worth knowing

1. 2 cups of plain flour
2. 3 tbspn sugar
3. 1 teaspoon baking soda
4. 1 beaten egg
5. 1 cup milk
6. a pinch of cooking salt

and then add what ever else you want i normally add chocolate or honey something sweet
but any way
OMG karleigh is actually awake :O
now im texting my wonderful hubby warren and talking about what a nut job i used to be :D and strangley he hasn't text back :/
but apparently my cooking fetish is all part of the recovery process :/
I'm still hunting for a job and its not working >:( im starting to feel like a right failiure and im so close to giving up its not so much that i want the money i just want something to do im so bored all the time now its unreal soon enough we are gonna be swimming in muffins and other baked crap!
Am i really the only person who still likes katy price??
meh whatever ill update later :/

4th May 2011

Boring day AGAIN!!
My old performing arts class had their brook performance today :/ would have been nice to be a part of it but hey they're all bitches any way and I know what it would have been like and i cant be asked with all the bitching and arguing its pointless life is too short!
Was supposed to go to my nans but she wasnt in and im not sure i could be bothered any way :/ so i stayed home reading my mum embarrassing conversations between karleigh and vay this led to a conversation about his nuts :s not too sure why my mum was asking about his nuts but then again im not sure i wanna know :/
been texting my hubby most of the day whos been slaving over laying his mums new flooring bless him :(
spent the day with karleigh and im only putting this cause shes reading over my shoulder lmao :P awwwa i lubbs her shes a bit like thrush at times but i still lubbs her :) I've got her company all night tonight too :)
chicken for dinner i only know that cause im cooking it -___-
no plans for tomorrow yet probably play it by ear though
bleurgh im lost for what to put again
the hubby has been dog sitting again bless him he does a lot for my brother and ash and they dont even get him a can of moster to make up for it lol
i dunno what else to put so ill update later or something :)

hey look its me and jim bear :D

im such a dick hehehe

Jim bear :D

he's just a bear
but hes my bear
stupidly enough h sits on my bed at all times(its a big bed i need company) unless some one else is here then he sits on the floor by my bed
yes he has an avenged sevenfold shirt and pink scarf he also has a razor blade necklace and sweatbands CAUSE HES FREAKIN AWESOME

3rd May 2011 23:14

such a looooooooooooooong boring evening!
been a bit of drama though so i guess that was kinda exciting :/
been texting my wonderful hubby (lol) most of the evening to see what hes been up to i learned that he will save me from spiders and he can lay flooring too :) he has his uses
off to nannys tomorrow i need to ring her in the morning when i get up to let her know im on my way :) dont want to scare her she calls me mortitia as it is -___- she wont drop the goth period
my back hurts for some strange reason
and i cant help but notice that this post is just rambling on and on
well i gave out relationship advice :D some friend of mine likes a girl and doesnt know how to tell her
confronted an arse hole this is why i hate face book random arse holes add me chat me up then turn in to dicks i never fall for sweet chat up lines unless i know they are genuine so this muppet shit out really
helped a friend give out medical advice woo i can stem bleeding! *feels epic*
and i noticed that my fringe is actually wonky and now im racking my brains trying to find away to sort it with out resorting to cutting it :/

im actually quite excited about seeing my nanny tomorrow i lubbs her :D

my obsessive ex wont leave me alone

annnnnd

warren made me smile like an idiot with his random kiss and the whole wifey situation lol :D thanks warren you have cheered me up a lot today <3

its a good end to an average day :)

just had a lovely bath now im drying my hair straightening it moisturizing and then chilling out

Great my mum walks in and starts bitching and swearing straight away....fucking hate her and yes i mean it

off to get the washing in :)

my day has just been so exciting :)

3rd May 2011 17:33pm

right school run has been done my fave glass has been broken and now im in a fantastic mood -___- I'm the only one who ever disciplines my little sister yes she is autistic but thats no reason to be a spoilt brat and my mum and dad let her get away with it! I'm the one who gets in trouble!
the living room is now nice and tidy but my parents will probably come in and moan that i haven't done the kitchen but at least i done the living room and plus i spend most of my time out the kitchen cleaning it and it never seems to change!
I did eventually get some sleep this morning from about 6.10 to about 11.20 i was asleep im still a bit tired but ive lasted longer than this with no sleep at all so ill cope :)
ugh my room needs tidying again and ive got to get the washing in in a bit :/ such an exciting life i lead :/
at the moment im texting warren (hubby :P)  watching judge judy (-_-) and throwing a diva fit (:D)

I dunno im quite content at the moment thinking of what im doing my self for dinner and thinking of booking the bathroom yes you have to book our bathroom or there are some big arguments between me and my parents and considering i take an hour or more in the bath its just logic

mmmm now i dont know what to put so ill update later <3

3rd May 2011 05:52am

mmm ten to six in the morning and i still havent slept last night was a bit bumpy i had a row with my best boy mate and we both got really worked up and for some reason i was really emotional i was just slobbing all night doing nothing but blogging! now im just waiting for a text from karleigh but she doesnt get up until half eight so ive got a little while to wait yet i might have sent her all my feelings by text at twenty to four this morning (y) so ya know im gonna get a few texts.
just waiting for my sister to get up in ten minutes then my dad my other sister then my mum so i can sit in here pretending to sleep and blissfully ignoring them until they go to work/school/to do the school run then i might emerge from my pit wait for karleigh have a bit of breakfast then chill and hope for the best for the rest of the day :)
up date later ;)

So im listening to the new A7x song and I don't care how childish and immature it makes me seem I'm not ready to accept arin and I will never appreciate their new stuff as much as I do their older stuff but thats just me they will never be the avenged sevenfold again because Jim is not there and he should be
what ever say it all you like Arins got big shoes to fill he should have thought about that before he tried to fill them shouldnt he?
I don't think he fits in at all

2nd of may 2011

so today i get up early after spending most of the night designing tattoos for my brother and his clients and some for myself with friends. I get up early I get ready I walk to the other side of chatham with karleigh I get to my brothers and hes just sitting around doing nothing even though he promised by the time i got there his tattoo gear would be set up so he could get an early start on touching up the couloring on my fiction tattoo. This never happened
He goes to his mates instead leaving me Warren and Karleigh sitting in the front room with the dog waiting for hours for him to come back these hours where spent sitting out the garden picking white dog fur off of warrens black jacket playing with air soft guns hooting at nothing with nothing no pelets absolutely nout, watching the dog tangle its self in her lead (the walls in the garden are incredibly low and we didnt want her to escape but dont panic she was fine she had plenty of room to get around and play)
first my brothers girlfriend comes in alone and has a bitch saying my brother had taken her rizzla papers leaving her with just the tobacco so she couldnt smoke anything
kane eventually struts in at this point im fuming because im still waiting for my tattoo to be touched up he starts an argument with his fiancee and calls her a lazy cunt she throws a strop he throws the laptop she throws the vrgin box and me karleigh and warren make a quick escape WITH MY TATTOO STILL UNTOUCHED
now im faced with a long walk home alone in the cold -___- knowing that when i got in I had to cook for my self and then entertain my self
eventually I had fish burgers :)
I spent the rest of the evening sitting in my room as iam now tumblin' texting warren and setting this up and I feel fantastic -____-

so this is me.
nothing more nothing less.
I'm nothing special
Just a girl who enjoys time with close friends time with family using her netbook and looking after animals
so here goes

I'm shannen
I'm 17, 18 in October
I'm roughly 5ft 6
in the past I have suffered depression although I wouldn't say suffered just learned to live with it more
I have many scars mostly self inflicted mainly at the top of my legs I stopped cutting for about a year but now it's started up again and I'm cutting deeper each time its getting scary and I can't stop.
Music os a big part of my life I would be lost with out my poddy (my i pod) I listen to music every day particularlly tokio hotel (tom is my fave) avenged sevenfold (yay jim) and placebo (woo steve forrest) I think with out music I would be lost
I used to study in a local sixth form until I could no longer cope with the work load and left for a break much to my parents disgust
So I live with my mum my dad and my sisters I'm close to my brother and my father but not my mother and sisters
My best friends are Karleigh shes amazing shes helped me through so much and Warren he's a little older than me but so funny and never fails to brighten my day

personal appearance
my hair is black
my eyes are blue
I have a purple stud in my nose
and a purple gem on my belly bar
I  have a lilac tattoo on my left hand that reads "dear god"
and a black tattoo on my right wrist that reads "fiction" both tributes to the rev

so thats me just me and nothing else :) and you know what?
I kinda like me